Never a dull moment...

This weekend I attended a party at a friend's house in honor of his new Deck. (He built it himself and was very VERY proud. Good for you. You handy, handy man.) The Deck party was quiet and I didn't really know a lot of people there so Sweets and I baracaded ourselves in a corner of the deck overlooking two of our friend's dogs. As we stood there watching the dogs, making small talk I told her a few stories about my weekend leading up to the deck party.

(Actual stories to follow at a later date.)
Story 1: Sex and Silverware
Story 2: My dog has Mange!
Story 3: Coal can fart and hurl simultaneously. Who knew?!

Her comment:
"Nothing exciting ever happens to me. Day in, day out same thing. Shit is always going on with you guys." (She's right. It's like we've angered the universe in some passive aggressive, humorous, ironic way and the universe must pay us back ten fold.)

So Sweets, this is especially for you...


Broken Badge And The Hole In My Tire

I work at Huntsville Hospital. I park in a parking garage. In order to park in said parking garage I must badge in. Meaning I swipe my little badge in a little card reader thingy through my rolled down window, the gate opens, and I travel on. Sounds simple really.

But...it's not.

Obviously.

Because if it were simple then I would not have had to buy a new lanyard today.

It all started with my little routine in the mornings. I get in my car, I clip on my badge, I buckle my seatbelt and I turn the car on. *Key point here is that my badge is on a clip that I attatch to my shirt. There is a rubber band type thing that then attatches to my badges and my key ring with my keys on it. So everything I need for work is right there, handy, in a tidy little package attatched to my shirt.

I drive to the parking garage and pull up to the badge reader, roll down my window, and I slide my badge through the reader....

Then the trouble starts.

The clip attatched to my shirt slingshots off, the badge slips out of my hand, and the whole deal falls under my car. So, now absolutely everything I need for work in under my car dead center *I think. I managed to badge in though, so the gate is also up. People are also beginning to line up behind me to get into the parking garage.

So, I think. Hey dummy! Open your door and lean out and pick it up, no biggie.

I can't. I've pulled too close to the badge reader and I can't open the door enough to get my fat ass out of the car.

I need to back up.

So I wave to the people behind me, who are becoming more and more irate at me for taking too long to badge in, to move back, which they are ever, EVER so thrilled about.

They back up, I back up. Then I hear whoooosh.

Shit!@##%$#@$%$@$^@ * (and every other curse word imaginable)

I've run over my badge, my badge holder, MY KEYS, and my key ring.

Now, not only do I have to pick up my badge, but I also have to pick up the million pieces of my life. Three keys, my bent key ring, two badges with tire prints, and my destroyed badge holder. The people behind me are ELATED.

To date, front left tire is still ok, but I'm waiting. The sound....the horrible sound.... it sounded just like a flat. (That may have been my badge holder exploding, who knows.)

I got back in my car, thanked god the gate was still up, and rolled on through to a few honks of congradulations of my supreme driving abilities.

All in all, VERY embarrassing. Very depressing, that I had ruined my badge, my keys, and my holder.

Note: I picked up a new SUPER cool badge holder today, my keys were bent back into place and my badges came clean with an eraser (soap and water didn't cut it). All is well and nothing was hurt but my pride. And really....who needs pride.